Not to state the obvious, Roe v. Wade has been rescinded, and the political left has become the antithesis of civil society. Acting in a manner that is rude, boorish, and bloody awful. I know sugar-hyped, caffeine-strung-out, two-years-old who behave better than the supposed adults rioting, looting, and threatening violence. Frankly, after the summer of rage (2020), I am fed up with the media cheerleading criminal behavior in the name of expressing themselves; let us now affirm and cherish as sacred courtesy as the preeminent civil virtue needed in society.
Elder Marvin J. Ashton, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints (October 1976), addressed the topic of courtesy while discussing self-management. Quoting Elder Ashton, “Courtesy and self-respect are necessary ingredients” in properly being a member of any society, business, family, etc. In a previous article, the discourteous behavior of the political left was discussed, especially those who choose to join the LGBTQ+ communities. Why has courtesy dropped so precipitously in American society and too other cultures across the globe? Elder Ashton discusses the answer:
“Seeing men and women who think, speak, and act with propriety in any community or personal situation is refreshing and uplifting. Good manners are necessary for the decency and peace of community living. [Good Manners] should be a matter of grave concern to all, yet we hear and read less about their cultivation than we do about dieting and “daily dozens” to enhance our personal acceptance and development.”
Stemming from self-discipline, courtesy is an outward expression of inner strength, and our manners precede us into new situations. As a kid, one of the deadliest sins we could commit was being late to an appointment, meeting, or scheduled event. You could lose your temper, drop the worst language, but if you were late, you were in big trouble! Sure, foul language was a punishment multiplier but was a punishment reducer if you were not late. In the US Army, we were taught if you are not 15-minutes early, you are late. 15-minutes early was on time, building the mental toughness to understand the military requirement of “Hurry up and wait.”
Yet, what do we see too often since 2000, less and less is society expecting a person to be “on time,” let alone early to a scheduled appointment. Worse, recently, I had a doctor’s appointment, and the staff in the office were grateful I had shown up, let alone was 15-minutes early to my appointment. When further discussed, the conversation drifted to how people do not call to cancel, show up hours late, and still expect to be seen, and how the staff was forced to work overtime when people showed up late. The provider felt compelled to see these patients, even though doing so meant staying late. Importantly, sourced from Elder Ashton, serenity and poise are the companions of those who practice courtesy and judgment to always be on time.
As self-discipline has been reduced, social interactions have also declined as people feel attacked when courtesy is absent. Worse, if I do not believe the same as you, social norms state I deserve to be attacked, even physically attacked, and this atrocious behavior is my fault for not having the courtesy to believe the same as you. No! This is not courtesy, self-discipline, or proper self-management, and I refuse to spend another microsecond being abused!
What is courtesy?
Jim Butcher is correct, “If you can’t manage courtesy, try silence.” In defining courtesy, the dictionary refers to courtesy as “polite behavior” and “indulgence.” Yet, I feel this is barely scratching the surface on defining courtesy, especially since indulgence is not a strong suit of mine. Courtesy is a willingness, and ability, to properly relate to others. Courtesy requires humility or a humble approach to social interactions. Elder Ashton was clear, “Proper self-management will permit us to be a team member first, a coach, captain, or superstar second.” Do we understand, and will we willingly accept, the role of a team member, participant, or active and engaged audience?
Early in life, I had some lessons forcibly taught me. Elder Ashton sums up the lessons:
“Good health habits, integrity, bearing, mannerisms, conversation, and self-control can be powerful assets in one’s balance sheet. These traits outwardly reflect the views of the management. Integrity within oneself makes it possible for honesty with God, family, and all other daily associates. A person with integrity within himself will also have it in his relationship with others.”
At my current stage of life, I lack a “cherub-like demeanor” with anyone who tries to steal, infringe upon, or impugn my integrity. This is wrong, and I struggle daily with the slings and arrows of our discourteous society. Yet, still, we find a need to define courtesy, and while healthy eating, exercise, and patience help me in my struggles, these other aspects of courtesy remain invaluable.
Courtesy, as an extension of self-respect and self-discipline, generates improved mental and physical health, further promoting courteous living and mental peace needed to suffer the fools slinging mud and practicing violence. Do we understand the connection being discussed; Elder Ashton affirms, “our self-image and general conduct [observed through] dress, grooming, and hair standards, moderation of voice, use of worthy language, good manners, respect for other’s rights.” However, does this define courtesy; not really, but they form the core of actions witnessed by those with self-respect and self-discipline.
Consider the recent media coverage of the two camps prominent in the Roe v. Wade protests since late February/early March. The dress, language, general conduct, manners, and moderation of voice distinctly identified which camp one woman belonged to or another. The distinction was easily observed long before either camp opened their mouths. More to the point, look at the Republican and Democrat audiences at their respective national conventions. The media coverage never ceases to amaze me, the camera operators and producers work tirelessly to not fuel stereotypes, but even then, the audiences are clearly distinct.
Elder Ashton states and I affirm in the strongest language, “In any community or personal situation, it is refreshing and uplifting to see men and women who think, speak, and act with propriety.” Having traveled amongst incredibly diverse global cultures, it does not matter where you are or the culture you originate from; it is mentally and physically refreshing to be among people who act with propriety and courtesy and live with self-respect and self-discipline. Clearly, courtesy is at its best when it is least obvious, and the least apparent; the greater self-respect shines through the actions and speech of courteous people. Courtesy is a manner of living; it is a lifestyle choice and is not merely a religious thing stemming from a Judeo-Christian moral code (the Ten Commandments). Aristotle is quoted saying, “We are what we repeatedly do; excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” President Theodore Roosevelt said, “Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.” Consider these two quotes for a moment; courtesy is an action displaying excellence, and courtesy is courage. To Jacques Maritain goes the final word on defining courtesy, “Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.”
Thus, gratitude, excellence, and gratitude are mere pieces of courteous behavior. Interestingly, I find the best lessons on courteous behavior have arrived from the most disgustingly discourteous people. In the US Army, I was called out by an incredibly courteous person for my language. In the US Navy, I learned why courteous language was required through observing the consequences of the discourteous around me. Several department members used horrific language, acted in manners revealing their lack of self-respect, and then cursed the gods for their predicament with women and money.
I am not saying that courteous living makes people rich or loved. I merely relate that life is better the more I struggle to keep my cherub-like demeanor when stressed by those with manners more closely resembling pigs in rut than men with the potential to become God. William Wordsworth stated in his writing, “Ode: Intimations of Immortality:”
“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting. The soul that rises with us, our life’s star, hath had elsewhere its setting, and cometh from afar: not in entire forgetfulness, and not in utter nakedness, but trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home.”
Disregarding religion for a moment, man has a tremendous imagination, but no religion yet has a discourteous god at its center. Let us so live, with courtesy, self-respect, and self-discipline, that when we return to the God who made us, we trail clouds of glory as a mark of gratitude and courtesy.
© Copyright 2022 – M. Dave Salisbury
The author holds no claims for the art used herein, the pictures were obtained in the public domain, and the intellectual property belongs to those who created the images. Quoted materials remain the property of the original author.
The title is Latin for “Life is short, but trouble makes it longer.” Recently I was reminded of the power and blessing of adversity. One of the comments that struck me was, “You will all experience your own Gethsemane’s.” Gethsemane is a garden at the foot of the Mount of Olives and became famous in the New Testament for the place where Jesus went to pray and, according to the New Testament, completed the atonement. Gethsemane remains a symbol of hope for people experiencing trouble, difficulty, or adversity. However, the thought of us experiencing our own Gethsemane individually intrigues me as a concept.
It’s no secret to those who have known me that I did not like serving in the US Navy and the pressure cooker of the USS Barry (DDG 52) from 2000-2004. I have often cursed and shook my fist at the sky over the experiences during the US Navy. Yet, even now, the experiences in the US Navy are felt as a small moment, and time does help heal wounds. Better still, time tends to soften the edges, and one of the other things I have found is that how we choose changes how we remember. I loved being “haze grey and underway” in the navy. Many things were better while sailing that worsened to the point of breaking while in port. More to the point, being “haze grey and underway” was always an adventure, fun, and never dull, even while pulling five and dime watch standing, doing maintenance on a pitching deck, or even climbing the mast while underway to fix something broke.
Major Winchester leaving M*A*S*H in a garbage truck reminds me of my time in the US Navy, very appropriate. As soon as Major Winchester came to M*A*S*H 4077, I watched to see what pranks could be done to Major Charles Emerson Winchester the third. I loved watching Charles become the butt of a joke. Yet, even as I type, I cannot help but wonder, was a garbage truck appropriate; is it disrespectful of the potter to see another person struggle and heap more scorn upon them? Charles’ life changed dramatically and horribly; his ways of thinking, the path of his life, and even his belief in his own self-worth were constantly challenged and scrutinized. I can understand Charles’ experiences more now than at any time previously.
Let us choose to be more charitable, relieve suffering where we can, ask for help when we need, and choose to make today a little better than yesterday through our involvement in the world around us. I am not asking anyone to go broke helping those putting up their petitions, and it does not matter where the money goes. Be the hand reaching out, and you WILL always find a hand reaching out to you; this is the final lesson adversity teaches us.
Consider a well-known truth that never appears to be fully understood, does a man sow thistles and reap strawberries? Leo J. Muir’s book, “Flashes from the Eternal Semaphore,” lists this as the fifth semaphore, and of the six semaphores, this one is probably my favorite to discuss. Not because I am sowing rocks and reaping corn and beans, but because I often sow rancid vegetables and reap garbage, then wonder why I cannot improve my harvest. As the writings on flash four stated, “Thy speech betrayeth thee,” I am a slow learned and generally only really grasp things after experiencing some consequences that would kill others. As we discuss the Law of the Harvest, please note I am not here to convince or convert, merely to help myself. If you find value in this topic, join me, teach me, that we may both then learn more perfectly.
Can you relate to your experiences with planting and harvesting? What are you teaching and semaphoring? Dr. Johnson adds a comment worth remembering: “The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” While Dr. Johnson is correct, there is a “
Before I begin, I need to make clear that I am a full-on total failure on this topic. No ifs, ands, or buts, I struggle with controlling my thoughts and fight continuously to curb my tongue. My intent is to help be a road sign of what traps to avoid, for maybe I can then learn to improve. As a soldier, I struggled but appeared to master my spoken words for a time. But controlling thoughts, especially those where I want to fight, kick, and scream, remains a challenge. As a sailor, forget about it; I even learned new language and taught how to swear more effectively. Oi, I do need to change this aspect of me! I am reminded of the words from an anonymous author:
I have tended some bitter fruit because that was all the stony ground my heart would grow. I own that bitter fruit, and bitter fruit comes home, generally because I opened my mouth. Surely, “Thy speech betrayeth thee.” May you, dear reader, find wisdom in my sign and learn better, so you may teach more perfectly.
Long before I read Leo J. Muir’s book, “Flashes from the Eternal Semaphore,” I knew I wanted to find joy. But, I was stuck; what is joy and how do I identify joy were my first two obstacles. Yet, from many sources comes the following, in many different forms:
My granddaughter, a toddler at the time, and I took a walk. She found a wildflower in the midst of thousands of other flowers on this walk which was important to her. Upon our walk concluding, we pressed that flower into a book. The time spent with her remains a cherished memory for me, and when I see wildflowers, the memories of this walk and flower pressing come back readily. Truly, joy is found in the ordinary!
The biggest lesson I have learned in writing this year, a degree doesn’t represent smarts or capability; those come by working in the trenches for something more important than self. The US Navy taught me endurance in the face of insurmountable odds and enemy shenanigans, and the US Army taught me to think and have grit and determination. I know I am not perfect; I am not the “picture perfect politician.” I prefer blue jeans and button-downs to suits and ties, but I know people, and I prefer real people to the fake effrontery currently holding the reigns of political power.
While walking through Home Depot, my favorite aisles are those aisles with tools, power tools, hand tools, and so forth. My mind always goes on imaginative wanderings, thinking about what those tools will go out into the world and do. Will an inexperienced hand learn on those tools? Will they build grand buildings? Will they destroy? What will those tools help accomplish? The potential held in a tool is as much a mystery as looking at a babe in arms and thinking, what will that soul go forward and do? I never become bored thinking about the potential held in a tool as part of the ongoing saga of humanity.
I support citizens who desire to become elected leaders. I refuse to support politicians! Worse, I detest with every fiber of my being politics in its many forms. I hate politics and those who engage in politics from business to the military, from the classroom to the boardroom, and from the private sector to the government sector! Elections matter until they are stolen and become a farce by those who desire to rule, and this is why California, the recall election of that detestable politician Gavin Newsom, and politics matter to every single person in America. In the US Navy, when my department officer told me to “Play the game,” he meant to play politics. To the minions of hell who delight in playing politics, I have found being honest, forthright, and valiant is better, and you will not win!
Politics is a descriptive tool used to identify certain human activities where power is sought, and devious means and divisive gestures are employed to obtain that power. Every action tied to securing power through devious means and divisive gestures is politics or political, which means derogatory. For those needing more, derogatory is “showing a critical or disrespectful attitude.” Thus, at the root, politicians by their very name and nature are derogatory towards those who elect them into power.
Elections are the formal process for selecting another for an office, leadership, or choosing a person or favorable course of action. Key to elections is that they are formal, which means there are rules, laws, guidelines, regulations, and penalties for the officers selected to monitor the election process. One of the most egregious actions of the 2020 elections was breaking the rules, laws, and regulations of the formal election process in the primaries, which then extended into the actual election day results. Why bring up the 2020 Federal Election farrago? Because as of 25 August 2021, the same pattern is occurring in California, again! Ballots are going missing, ballots are being dumped in trash cans, mail-in ballots without signatures, fraudulent ballots are being injected into the counts, etc., ad nauseam ad infinitum.
Thus, the problem for ALL of AMERICA right now! Primaries are coming, political futures hang in the balance, and the media know that the liberal madness and tyranny from COVID-Mandates has left a bitter taste in every person’s mouth. The polls show no politician being trusted, and if the political machines are to keep paying dividends to special and private interests, then those investing in their favorite politician are going to have to pony up serious cash to buy the elections officials right now to protect the sleaze in office from the school board and Mayor to the president!
You, the American citizen, are needed! Awake and Arise! Find your strength and stand before it is too late and your country has fallen an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle while you slept! History will judge you and me for what we do and say right now; let them record we did not allow the American Experiment to fail on our watch; we fought back against the tide of tyranny and oppression and won!
President Biden, you, and your administration disgust me! I did not vote for you, but I was willing to support you as president back in January and show you respect. Even though I continue to have reservations regarding the veracity of the 2020 Elections, the transparency of the election counts, and the skullduggery witnessed, I was willing to give you a chance. Your actions in Afghanistan have sundered my cherub-like demeanor and turned the extended olive branch into a torch for your pyre!
Finally, we come to the absolute crux of the matter. As Commander in Chief, the honor of commanding men and women in the military comes with a corresponding responsibility. The country loves her military and trusts you to treat them appropriately. You did not do so in January and got a minor backlash. You are not doing so in Afghanistan and will catch a much higher backlash as the media watches a repeat of Saigon in Kabul as the Embassy is evacuated. Your buddy Obama has a dead Ambassador he has never answered for, which (historically) has always been a declaration of war. What do you have? An entire country laid to waste, the waste of millions of dollars in materials, millions of lives destroyed, and the wasted efforts of millions of people and multiple presidents. You have betrayed the American people’s trust, and you will be held accountable, just like your good friend Mayor Lightfoot (with stickyfingers) is being held accountable in Chicago, only many, many magnitudes worse!
DNC-Consulting 