Self-Control – DNC-Consulting

Courtesy: The Key to Civil Society

Not to state the obvious, Roe v. Wade has been rescinded, and the political left has become the antithesis of civil society. Acting in a manner that is rude, boorish, and bloody awful. I know sugar-hyped, caffeine-strung-out, two-years-old who behave better than the supposed adults rioting, looting, and threatening violence. Frankly, after the summer of rage (2020), I am fed up with the media cheerleading criminal behavior in the name of expressing themselves; let us now affirm and cherish as sacred courtesy as the preeminent civil virtue needed in society.

Elder Marvin J. Ashton, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints (October 1976), addressed the topic of courtesy while discussing self-management. Quoting Elder Ashton, “Courtesy and self-respect are necessary ingredients” in properly being a member of any society, business, family, etc. In a previous article, the discourteous behavior of the political left was discussed, especially those who choose to join the LGBTQ+ communities. Why has courtesy dropped so precipitously in American society and too other cultures across the globe? Elder Ashton discusses the answer:

“Seeing men and women who think, speak, and act with propriety in any community or personal situation is refreshing and uplifting. Good manners are necessary for the decency and peace of community living. [Good Manners] should be a matter of grave concern to all, yet we hear and read less about their cultivation than we do about dieting and “daily dozens” to enhance our personal acceptance and development.”

Stemming from self-discipline, courtesy is an outward expression of inner strength, and our manners precede us into new situations. As a kid, one of the deadliest sins we could commit was being late to an appointment, meeting, or scheduled event. You could lose your temper, drop the worst language, but if you were late, you were in big trouble! Sure, foul language was a punishment multiplier but was a punishment reducer if you were not late. In the US Army, we were taught if you are not 15-minutes early, you are late. 15-minutes early was on time, building the mental toughness to understand the military requirement of “Hurry up and wait.”

Yet, what do we see too often since 2000, less and less is society expecting a person to be “on time,” let alone early to a scheduled appointment. Worse, recently, I had a doctor’s appointment, and the staff in the office were grateful I had shown up, let alone was 15-minutes early to my appointment. When further discussed, the conversation drifted to how people do not call to cancel, show up hours late, and still expect to be seen, and how the staff was forced to work overtime when people showed up late. The provider felt compelled to see these patients, even though doing so meant staying late. Importantly, sourced from Elder Ashton, serenity and poise are the companions of those who practice courtesy and judgment to always be on time.

As self-discipline has been reduced, social interactions have also declined as people feel attacked when courtesy is absent. Worse, if I do not believe the same as you, social norms state I deserve to be attacked, even physically attacked, and this atrocious behavior is my fault for not having the courtesy to believe the same as you. No! This is not courtesy, self-discipline, or proper self-management, and I refuse to spend another microsecond being abused!

What is courtesy?

Jim Butcher is correct, “If you can’t manage courtesy, try silence.” In defining courtesy, the dictionary refers to courtesy as “polite behavior” and “indulgence.” Yet, I feel this is barely scratching the surface on defining courtesy, especially since indulgence is not a strong suit of mine. Courtesy is a willingness, and ability, to properly relate to others. Courtesy requires humility or a humble approach to social interactions. Elder Ashton was clear, “Proper self-management will permit us to be a team member first, a coach, captain, or superstar second.” Do we understand, and will we willingly accept, the role of a team member, participant, or active and engaged audience?

Early in life, I had some lessons forcibly taught me. Elder Ashton sums up the lessons:

“Good health habits, integrity, bearing, mannerisms, conversation, and self-control can be powerful assets in one’s balance sheet. These traits outwardly reflect the views of the management. Integrity within oneself makes it possible for honesty with God, family, and all other daily associates. A person with integrity within himself will also have it in his relationship with others.”

At my current stage of life, I lack a “cherub-like demeanor” with anyone who tries to steal, infringe upon, or impugn my integrity. This is wrong, and I struggle daily with the slings and arrows of our discourteous society. Yet, still, we find a need to define courtesy, and while healthy eating, exercise, and patience help me in my struggles, these other aspects of courtesy remain invaluable.

Courtesy, as an extension of self-respect and self-discipline, generates improved mental and physical health, further promoting courteous living and mental peace needed to suffer the fools slinging mud and practicing violence. Do we understand the connection being discussed; Elder Ashton affirms, “our self-image and general conduct [observed through] dress, grooming, and hair standards, moderation of voice, use of worthy language, good manners, respect for other’s rights.” However, does this define courtesy; not really, but they form the core of actions witnessed by those with self-respect and self-discipline.

Consider the recent media coverage of the two camps prominent in the Roe v. Wade protests since late February/early March. The dress, language, general conduct, manners, and moderation of voice distinctly identified which camp one woman belonged to or another. The distinction was easily observed long before either camp opened their mouths. More to the point, look at the Republican and Democrat audiences at their respective national conventions. The media coverage never ceases to amaze me, the camera operators and producers work tirelessly to not fuel stereotypes, but even then, the audiences are clearly distinct.

Elder Ashton states and I affirm in the strongest language, “In any community or personal situation, it is refreshing and uplifting to see men and women who think, speak, and act with propriety.” Having traveled amongst incredibly diverse global cultures, it does not matter where you are or the culture you originate from; it is mentally and physically refreshing to be among people who act with propriety and courtesy and live with self-respect and self-discipline. Clearly, courtesy is at its best when it is least obvious, and the least apparent; the greater self-respect shines through the actions and speech of courteous people. Courtesy is a manner of living; it is a lifestyle choice and is not merely a religious thing stemming from a Judeo-Christian moral code (the Ten Commandments). Aristotle is quoted saying, “We are what we repeatedly do; excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” President Theodore Roosevelt said, “Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.” Consider these two quotes for a moment; courtesy is an action displaying excellence, and courtesy is courage. To Jacques Maritain goes the final word on defining courtesy, “Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.”

Thus, gratitude, excellence, and gratitude are mere pieces of courteous behavior. Interestingly, I find the best lessons on courteous behavior have arrived from the most disgustingly discourteous people. In the US Army, I was called out by an incredibly courteous person for my language. In the US Navy, I learned why courteous language was required through observing the consequences of the discourteous around me. Several department members used horrific language, acted in manners revealing their lack of self-respect, and then cursed the gods for their predicament with women and money.

I am not saying that courteous living makes people rich or loved. I merely relate that life is better the more I struggle to keep my cherub-like demeanor when stressed by those with manners more closely resembling pigs in rut than men with the potential to become God. William Wordsworth stated in his writing, “Ode: Intimations of Immortality:”

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting. The soul that rises with us, our life’s star, hath had elsewhere its setting, and cometh from afar: not in entire forgetfulness, and not in utter nakedness, but trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home.”

Disregarding religion for a moment, man has a tremendous imagination, but no religion yet has a discourteous god at its center. Let us so live, with courtesy, self-respect, and self-discipline, that when we return to the God who made us, we trail clouds of glory as a mark of gratitude and courtesy.

© Copyright 2022 – M. Dave Salisbury
The author holds no claims for the art used herein, the pictures were obtained in the public domain, and the intellectual property belongs to those who created the images. Quoted materials remain the property of the original author.

Magna Res Est Vocis Et Silentii Temperamentum – A Valuable Lesson Indeed!

The proverbs of Seneca the younger provide the title and the lesson for consideration, “The great thing is to know when to speak and when to keep quiet.” I make this statement and write on this lesson, not because I am good at knowing when to speak and when to stay silent, but in the hopes of learning more perfectly when to speak and when to talk. In reviewing my K-12 report cards, the ones my parents had to sign, the most frequent comment is knowing when to shut up, closely followed by “Does not play well with others.” The latter is a badge of honor; I have never played well with others!

But, knowing when to speak and when not to speak is a challenge, and in observing people, I find I might not be the only person afflicted with a lack of knowledge on this topic. My wife is a perfect example of someone who knows when to speak and when to stay silent. She has mastered the art of saying the exact word in season someone needs to hear and claims manners and discernment have honed her abilities.

Charles de Lint is quoted on educating children, saying in part, “Teach them to learn how to see and ask questions.” The greatest teachers I can recall easily are those who taught me to either perceive differently or how to ask questions. Long have I desired to return these lessons and remain enthusiastic about finding the opportunities to teach. I often quote and consider the lessons taught by Henry Chester, who said, “Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money, power, and influence. It is nothing more or less than faith in action.” While appearing paradoxical, enthusiasm and learning when to speak and stay silent are anything but contradictory, and this is the point and the lesson for your consideration.

Why do we speak?

Of all the questions asked me in my K-12 journey, the number one question has to be an iteration of the following: “Why are you talking?” I never could understand when to shut up. Worse, there were plenty of times when my refusal to shut up would worsen the punishment, even though I considered the teacher’s actions immoral, unethical, or plain wrong. For example, in 12^th grade, Mr. Moro’s class, Camden-Rockport High School, Camden, Maine. I had been a student of this school for a grand total of 1 day; this was the second class on my second day. My first meeting with Mr. Moro, who, very clearly stated, “This is his classroom, his castle, and in his castle, he was king and demanded respect. To which I firmly replied, NO! He sent me to the principal’s office and said I would not return until he had a parent/teacher conference. Being emancipated, I told him he would have to speak with me, and he could fax me! I still have no idea what a senior class advisor is or what they do, but apparently, I had to appease Mr. Moro if I wanted to graduate.

Why was I speaking in this incident; I was not going to be pushed or bullied by what I considered at the time a pompous moron. I needed to change how I perceived Mr. Moro as a person. I graduated high school, Mr. Moro never became a friend, but we did learn how to get along with each other. Yes, I ate some crow and had to chip away at my ego. After graduating and traveling to Advanced Individual Training for the US Army, I got a nice letter from Mr. Moro. One of the reasons we speak is we feel put upon and do not know how to extricate ourselves, or in my case, extricate my foot from my mouth.

Another reason we speak is a desire to say something, but how often have we opened our mouths without forming the thought entirely, and our mouth is running way faster than our brains, common sense, and self-preservation? In my case, way too often. Several comedians call this an older person’s disease, not having the brain mouth filter, common sense, or good social skills to know when to say something and when to listen. One of the reasons I love old people is explicitly derived from this truthfulness and lack of filter.

When my mother-in-law fell and had to be placed in a nursing home, long-term care facility, I made some great friends in her facility. Not a single filter anywhere to be found. One older lady, her name regrettably escapes me, had family who would come and tell her the filthiest jokes on the weekend. During the week, I would visit my mother-in-law and slip her a couple of clean jokes, dad jokes, and just plain funny jokes. One day I told her a joke about passing gas in church after a bean supper the night before. She laughed so hard; I thought I had injured her. I came back the next day and learned she had told the entire staff this joke, and she told me she had laughed so hard so peed herself.

I apologized to the nursing staff and armed them with a few choice dad jokes. She did not want an apology, but she told me a story from her youth where the night before her church had hosted a community-wide bean supper, chili cookoff, raffle/silent auction, and how the next day’s sermon was cut short because the pastor could not stand the air in his church, which is when I began laughing hard enough to make me wonder if I was going to pee myself! Worse, this was the day after serving baked beans for supper, and she and I listened to the chorus of frogs from the patients and kept falling out of our chairs laughing.

Betty Eadie eloquently provides a caution for our words, “If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would guard them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything negative. In our thoughts and words, we create our own weaknesses and our own strengths. Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts. We can always replace negative with positive.” The next lesson on why we speak is that our brains are too full of words and need an outlet. Yet, how much better would the world be if we filtered our thoughts, slowed our thinking, and kept our mouths shut?

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” – Buddha

“The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

“If you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, stop fighting with your thoughts.” – Peter McWilliams

Three people from different periods of human history, all messaging a truth, thoughts do become things, and often the things our thoughts become are not what we wanted or desired. More specifically, the thoughts became things because we expressed the thoughts that should have stayed silent in words. In learning to control the post-traumatic stress disorder I suffer, the words of Peter McWilliams became the answer I needed and the balm in Gilead I sought. I had to stop fighting my thoughts to be able to control the pernicious and repeated images, feelings, and constant reminiscing over a terrible incident from my service in the US Navy. Every day remains a challenge to acknowledge the thoughts and let them go. Every day it becomes easier to achieve. There is hope!

Why do we listen?

Of all the questions I have never been asked, I hope to learn the lesson of controlling my thoughts so I may hear better. I suffer from tinnitus, many times though the ability to listen does not reside in my ear where the tinnitus rings, but in my brain that is a ravaged wasteland of competing ideas, factions, and imaginations. When the voices in my head go silent, I hear the birds in the trees, I hear voices of people around me, and I experience hearing. The moment I begin speaking, I lose the ability to hear.

Ken Kesey is quoted as saying, “See with your ears and hear with your eyes.” What a remarkable idea. One of the most momentous times I can ever recall occurred while onboard my ship, deep dark of night. You know how dark night can get if you have ever been beyond the hundred-fathom curve. I was an engineer on the mid-watch (0000-0400) and was roaming around topside between rounds, something I should not have been doing, but I needed fresh air and wanted to see if the stars really were more brilliant at sea. On a night with no moon, deep dark, I saw the ship passing through the water with my ears. I heard the waves; I heard the wind whistling through the ship’s rigging; I saw with my ears the stumbling of smokers going to and from the smoke deck—an experience like no other. Why do we listen; to learn, to experience, and if we choose, to marvel!

In the 1990’s I had a screen saver called psychedelic. When music was played, it changed colors according to the beat, and you had user interfaces where you could pick specific interpretations to display on the screen in colors, lines, and contrasts. This was the first time I can remember visualizing sounds. I had previously turned the stereo speakers to maximum and watched sound interface with the water in a fish tank, but this screen saver was the first time I can remember seeing sound displayed by a computer. Since this screensaver, I have watched sound played in flames (SUPER COOL), watched water falling display shapes as heard through a computer, and synthesized (unique experience indeed). I have used several computer programs that took that old screensaver’s concept and improved the display and synthesization. Yet, I am still want to hear with my eyes and see if I can improve how I listen.

Something was pointed out to me, the word silent has precisely the same letters as listen, but in the arrangement of those letters, the ability of one is lost or found. I have learned that a silent mouth precedes a silent mind, and you need both to listen. Yet, it is a rare moment indeed when my brain is silent. My brain runs lyrics to songs, words I think I should have said, words I am preparing to speak, responses to questions, responses to other people’s opinions, facts, figures, fights, and the list goes on ad nauseum ad infinitum! A book by Stephen Covey mentioned, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply.” Why do we listen; this is a valuable question to consider!

I have mentioned this previously and repeat myself only for emphasis; all the musical talent, knowledge, and skill I possess can be poured into a thimble and never moisten the bottom. I mention this because Linda Ronstadt said, “Ninety-Nine present of singing is listening and hearing, and so then one percent of it is singing.” A thought I had never previously considered. I love music and have an eclectic taste in music, but I hear not listen to music. Music has never been an escape from reality but has often been a balm to my world-weary soul. Music has been a tool, a weapon, and a shield, in the battles for knowledge, learning, and protecting myself from the words of others. In the US Army, Basic Training music was the key to getting me to relax and shoot the M-16A2 sufficiently to qualify and eventually graduate basic training. But, only now, when considering Lind Ronstadt’s quote, I realized I hear music, not listen to music.

Funny story, while my parents are hippies, my father is a professional musician but not a music teacher. As a kid, music in our house was how food made it to the table, how my father retreated from the world’s cares, and often a weapon against my mother. Yet, even coming from a home where music was a major part of daily life, I never learned to listen to music. Have you ever heard reveille played on a tuba, French horn, clarinet, trombone, guitar, recorder, or flute? If so, you know a little of what growing up in our house was like. When 0400 came, whatever instrument my father was playing at the time became the instrument upon which reveille was played.

A song covered by a multitude of musicians originates with Paul Simon, “The Sound of Silence.” The second link is to Disturbed’s cover of the Paul Simon song; I think this is the best version. What are the sounds of silence? Are they different for each person? Does the sound of silence change with the environment, the weather, or humanity’s influence? I once read a research report regarding the negative impact of listening to the sounds of New York City and how the city’s sound shortened the lives of those who constantly heard the city. As we consider the lesson on learning when to speak and to discern when to stay silent, may we consider how to improve listening, moving from hearing to listening, and find joy in seeing with our ears and hearing with our eyes.

Flashes – Conquering Self: The Best and Last Victory

Mumble March 14^th is National Pie Day! I celebrate a lot of life with food. We begin the second flash with Plato, “The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile.” In looking around, the worst things we see originate in failing to accept responsibility and refusing to conquer oneself. Consider the alcoholic or the smoker; nobody had to pressure them into their vices, nobody poured drinks or cigarette smoke into their bodies, but psychologists declare alcoholism is a disease, and smoking is the fault of cigarette manufacturers. Really, or are these addictions merely failure to conquer the enemy within.

I am not judging anyone; you are free to believe what you will. I am making an observation, and the observation is founded upon both personal experiences and the sciences of addiction and addiction recovery. The best addiction recovery programs teach one how to begin to conquer oneself. No other changes to a person’s psychology occur, except becoming free from an addictive substance. Take Da Vinci, who said, “You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself!”

Suppose both Plato and Da Vinci are to be believed. In that case, we can know for fact the truth behind addiction recovery and psychology and the lie behind addictions being a disease — the Hollywood myths being perpetrated against society, that conquering self is old-fashioned, unpopular, or trivial. Consider your favorite movie or TV show, preferably one glamorizing drinking, smoking, or other behaviors anti-self-control. Using an example, M*A*S*H 4077^th often featured heavy drinking of what was supposed to be alcohol but was water. One star from the show reported that had they drunk as much as the show reported them drinking, they would have died or been severely injured.

Moving from Hollywood, let us explore other areas where controlling oneself is necessary but is constantly refused. James Thompson stated, “Real glory springs from the silent conquest of ourselves.” Look at the capitals of your city, county, state, or nation; what do you find; little to no self-control and worse sarcasm when anyone who practices self-control is spotted. Catch the latest rant from Biden? 113 self control quotes to get you inspired (page 1 of 7)

Florida passed legislation asking teachers to restrain themselves where advanced topics of sex are concerned and teach the subjects they were hired to teach. What did Governor DeSantis face; scorn, ridicule, and threats of violence. Where did these bad behaviors originate; from those who practice the least amount of self-control in American society. King Solomon states without equivocation, “Who then is free? The wise man who can govern himself.”

Think about the most outrageous members of society, the pains they suffer mentally, physically, and emotionally for their lifestyle choices, which stems from their blatant refusal to practice self-control. Never forget what Victor Hugo said, “People do not lack strength, they lack will.” Mirabeau adds that “Nothing is impossible to the man who can will.” Think of a two-year-old; why are the “Two’s” considered terrible; the child is beginning to exercise personality, and personality is 99% willpower. The child has tons of will but not the intelligence to know what to do with that personality, thankfully, the child also lacks the size and strength to force their will, or the entire world would tremble.

Napoleon reported, “A resolute determination is the truest wisdom.” Olive Wendell Holmes Jr. is quoted as saying, “A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” In these two pieces of wisdom hangs the test for responsible people and the aspirations of a person willing to learn and try. More to the point, they form a measuring stick for society, especially the American culture. Are we resolute and determined? Are we seeking new experiences, even if the experience is nothing more than mastering a habit that has beguiled us for too long? More, are we expecting resolution and determination from those who aspire to be elected to office?

Over the weekend, America witnessed the lack of determination and spinless lack of resolution in Vice President Kamala Harris, and the world weeps! That cackling fool must have worn her feather panties for all the laughing she did, and this is NOT the appropriate message to be sending out right now. The world needs leadership, and we get a clown and a doddering old fool who cheated an election. We need a Winston Churchill, a Ronald Reagan, an Abraham Lincoln, and we got Biden and his clowns. Is the distinction clear about who to select for elected leaders?

Is America worth fighting for? That question is too big to answer and contains a thousand variables. Let’s ask a fundamental question, are you worth fighting for? In America, you can change yourself, and in changing, you realize a totally different future than the one your parents suffered. In fighting for you, you change society in America. Are you worth fighting for?

In answering this question, you reveal both your hopes and your wishes. I believe you are worth fighting for; do you believe you are worth fighting for? What will you do today that makes today different from yesterday, that will make tomorrow different from today? The second flash is the most personal, reflecting the power inherent in each person to choose. The freedom of agency is a priceless commodity. When enshrined in law, the US Constitution, self-control or the lack of self-control will be reflected in society and national discussions Inspirational Quotes On Self Control. QuotesGram .

I cannot emphasize the following enough, the soul sickness America is suffering right now is directly tied to a lack, an absence, and a dearth of self-control. Open any news program, and the headlines scream problems with the law, war, oppression, all of these social ills find their roots in a lack of self-control. A woman stabbed her date because of the American Drone strike policy; lacking self-control, her date almost died. Another woman was hit punched more than 125 times because her attacker lacked the self-control to keep his hands to himself. Crime waves are sweeping the nation, all from a lack of self-control. America is sick, and the disease stems from individuals who refuse to exercise self-control. Self-control is strength... | Words quotes, Wisdom quotes ...

War represents a national lack of self-control. Russia invading Ukraine is nothing but self-control writ large. What is the media doing; they are cheering a lack of self-control, “If it bleeds, it leads,” has been the axiom controlling the media’s interest, which is part of the problem. Self-control does not sell newspapers, but it sure does brag and cheer for the dregs of society to act like two-year-olds in the candy aisle of Walmart. Ever notice how if the child throwing a tantrum does not get the attention, they stop; guess what happens when public shaming occurs, and no attention is paid to the dregs acting like spoiled children?

Self-control is one of those principles that many will never understand until they are forced to learn self-control. Others will never believe the problem could be resolved simply as a person exercising self-control to fix this national sickness. Yet, I promise you the answer is this simple and elegant, plus it is effective. When more people understand and cast derision and aspersions for those lacking self-control, a massive shift in liberty, rights, freedom will blossom like new dawn over the globe.

Knowledge Check! Try this as a guiding principle in your life, and watch it turn your world upside down for the better. As a foodie, I will celebrate more responsibly National Pie Day. I have a hunger to eat an entire pie right now. But I will practice what I preach and introduce some self-control, for I want, and need, tomorrow to be better than today. If celebrating National Pie Day, please enjoy responsibly. All pie recipes are gladly shared.

Knee-Jerk Actions – Micro-Aggression or Humor: A Choice!

Let me be clear, upfront, and personal; I am not here to tell you what to think, how to think when to think, or where to think. I will not force my opinions and ideas upon you as the global corporate media does. I will offer ideas and suggestions and how you proceed is your affair. Your choices will determine your destiny. I aim to aid you in understanding and viewing the world a little differently to improve your destination.

Action vs. Reaction

Action encapsulates intention, producing accomplishment from organized activity; action is a process of thinking, acting, and becoming. Only in physics should we ever consider every action having an equal and opposite reaction. Why; because for humans, any reaction gives control to someone else and removes intentional controls. A reaction is all about response to stimulus, no thinking, no changing, no intent, no organized activity, and no recovery until we, the human agent, retake control of our action.

Easy example, consider the toddler throwing a fit. The toddler is trying to obtain a reaction from the parents favorable to that toddler’s individual desires at that moment. However, any good parent will not respond to the toddler’s demands and usually provide behavior correction to enforce the thought that the toddler cannot make demands. To regain control over the stimulus provided, the toddler must correct behavior or will not gain control over the future individual actions without additional parental intervention, an undesirable activity. Thus, early on, the toddler will realize actions do not bring reactions but decisive action by parental figures, which is generally not the desired outcome.

Action versus reaction is an essential principle with foundations in moral agency, individual agency, and long-term consequences. However, if the parent reacts to every toddler fit, the toddler gains power over the parental figure, which is an undesirable activity for the parent. Action versus reaction is not splitting philosophical hairs or linguistic nuance; action is an intention-producing accomplishment; the reaction is an intentionless activity where self-control has been given to others.

Victor Frankl, author of “Man’s Search for Meaning,” and Robert Solomon, author of “Not Passion’s Slave: Emotions and Choice,” both speak to this action versus reaction principle in a manner easily grasped. We, as individuals, might not be able to control our every environment nor control the activities of others upon us, but we can control our actions in response. Retaining control of self, improving who and what we are, and keeping the power of intentional activity.

Knee-Jerk Reactions

The ‘knee-jerk response’ is any reaction that is done automatically, without thought. The knee-jerk reflex is what’s known as a mono-synaptic response. The impulse only has to jump from one nerve to another once. Thus, the medical definition for a social activity, a knee-jerk reaction, requires no cognitive thinking, no intention and is the worst form of response to the intentional stimulus of others.

For example, Speaker Pelosi tore up President Trump’s State of the Union speech record on live, national TV as a knee-jerk response to the sitting US President. Of all the US President’s Speaker Pelosi has experienced, her behavior to President Trump was the most toddler-like, and people quickly excused this behavior as “Trump-Derangement Syndrome (TDS).” Thus, we can drop the “knee” in knee-jerk responses and describe the activity aptly as being a jerk. No thought, not intentional activity (even though the action has intention, the brain does not register cognitive effort), and the reaction to the stimulus is mono-synaptic.

Micro-Aggression and Macro-Aggression

Micro-aggression, according to Webster, is “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority).” What is missing in this definition; individual perspective. Micro-aggression is a personal choice to take offense at “a comment or action that” is judged to be “subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally” expressing what is considered by person one to be “a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority).”

Macro-aggression is the complete opposite and are “obvious, intentional, above-board insults, where there is no chance of a mistake on the part of the transgressor to be provoking, insulting, or otherwise discourteous.” But, again, the definition does not include the fact that the person claiming another person’s activities are macro-aggressive is a personal choice, a judgment, and a socially powered decision.

Micro- and macro-aggression are often claimed to be “triggered” by specific words, colors, foods, waters, fruits, and a host of other items. Essentially using fear and envy to demand people act differently or the consequences are toddler-like fits and fussing, picketing, rioting, looting, e.g., acting like a terrorist. Thus, micro- and macro- aggression is nothing but the toddler throwing a temper tantrum because they are not getting what they want at that moment. While claiming their aggression is on behalf of someone else, and their acts of terrorism are excusable because the aggression was triggered by someone or something else. This is like the eight-year-old older brother or sister throwing a fit that the toddler was punished and claiming they are behaving irrationally in support of the toddler’s tantrum. How many parents will buy this logic; I do not!

Humor

Love them or hate them, comedians have changed since I was a kid sneaking peaks of comic relief on cable while washing dishes late into the night. Comedians now carefully pick their materials based upon their perceptions of the audience. Thus, we have classes of comedians, including “Shock Comedians,” who try to be as offensive as possible and still get laughs. We have political comedians; some come down equally on both sides of the political aisle, others are as cemented to a political agenda as they can be and use their “comedy” as a tool to influence their audiences towards that political agenda. We have a host of comedians dedicated to helping people laugh and others who see themselves as able to influence, regardless of consequences.

I am not providing marketing to any comedian by giving examples of the statements made above. You can certainly use a search engine to find these examples for yourself if interested. You might even be able to think of several instances from history, especially recent history, that fit into the descriptions provided. As I said in the beginning, you remain empowered to think as you prefer.

My point is that humor, like every other emotion, can be a tool to build or a tool to destroy, and the choice of build or destroy rests in the user, but the consequences rest in the hands of the audience. Consider this for a moment, how fast would a “Shock” comedian change their tune if the swearing, foul and degrading language, and behaviors manifested on stage did not get a single laugh, or worse, resulted in people standing up and walking out? Some would change quickly, others it might take a little more pushing, but the result would be the same, a changed comedian. Why; because capitalism works!

The comedian is the greatest example of capitalism at work in the world. People will pay money for entertainment, but if the entertainer insults, denigrates, and derides, that entertainer is history and is told to find a different line of work through capitalism. The pattern of comedians can be witnessed and applied across the spectrum from politicians to judges, from businesses to non-profits, all because capitalism works.

Why?

Why this article; why now? On Monday this week, I received an email talking about micro-aggression. The author used greeting cards and their sayings as representations of trigger events for micro-aggression. We have the US President (Fraudulent or Not) being hostile and aggressive towards unvaccinated people. But unvaccinated people are not spreading the Delta-Variant COVID virus; vaccinated people are. We have social unrest in Cuba, where nobody is taking notice because for too long, the social elite has said that Cuba, as a Marxist-Leninist country, is a good thing and cannot stand watching their lies become evident.

Like the disc-jockey’s of my youth said, “And the Hits just keep on coming!” Pick a spot on the globe, and you will find problems, issues, and concerns driven by micro- and macro-aggressive people who refuse to understand the difference between action and reaction—leaving this article as an attempt to aid in making better decisions. How you choose to respond to the day’s events informs the political leaders and social influencers if they are winning or losing. Thus, choose better, knowing that the social influencers and political leaders want you to react, not act! Hence, choose to act. Choose to use your moral agency and individual agency as a tool to intentionally choose your following action in the process of becoming who you want to be and not what others want you to be for their selfish gain.

© 2021 M. Dave Salisbury
All Rights Reserved
The images used herein were obtained in the public domain; this author holds no copyright to the images displayed.

NO MORE BS: Assimilation: A Plea to All Immigrants and Americans!

America continues to open its doors to a large group of new immigrants from countries worldwide, but especially from war-torn and ravaged lands. Welcome; I am glad you are here! A Mayor of London previously came to America and derided, denigrated, and demeaned America for asking immigrants to assimilate. Yes, America will ask you to assimilate; yes, this request includes those legal and illegal immigrants; yes, assimilation is hard, but the effort is worth it.

What is Assimilation?

Assimilation is only taking the best of your old culture, ideals, values, and beliefs and adding them to the best America has to offer. America is not a perfect country; we ask for your help to improve our country by adding the best of your experiences to our best experiences and building America into a greater nation. Why does America ask you to assimilate, even though it is hard; the answer lies in the principles of unity, responsibility, and achieving the “American Dream.”

What is the “American Dream?”

The “American Dream” is to realize freedom, all the benefits of liberty, shouldering all the responsibilities of freedom, and achieving these freedoms through work, education, and self-discovery. Many Americans need to be reminded that the “American Dream” has nothing to do with acquiring stuff. The “American Dream” has nothing to do with spending money, although great freedoms are found in earning money and spending that money according to your desires. The “American Dream” has nothing to do with purchasing a home, even though owning property is a cherished freedom. The “American Dream” is realizing freedom in all its glory and all of its reality.

The “American Dream” means failure, struggle, hard work, loss, gain, understanding value, and so much more. The “American Dream” has tragedy and heartache, misery, and the ultimate joy of achievement. Some of the hardest struggles in understanding the “American Dream” are found in sending loved ones marching to war and not seeing those same loved ones marching back home, and it is the “American Dream.” Understanding and embracing freedom, to see the best and worst of humanity and realize that freedom through a constitutional republic is still the best form of government available, even through all the imperfections. The “American Dream” means unifying around a single standard.

What is the single standard to rally around?

The US Constitution and the American Flag are the standards to rally around. Does rallying around this standard mean suddenly easy street, riches, and smooth sailing; absolutely not! Rallying around this standard means unifying, dropping the labels, the hyphenations, the separations, and realizing that we are better together than we are separate. Again, the “American Dream” is all about understanding freedom in all its glory, majesty, and terribleness.

The principles of unity are many, but also very few. Unity is all about choice; having a choice is all about freedom. Freedom is all about shouldering the consequences of making choices to become more unified or less unified; simple and complex, easy and difficult. Unity is not a paradox; unity is a learned principle. Consider the young child. Being a child is challenging, learning a language, culture, basic education standards, and growing. The same is true for immigrants. Many come here and are overwhelmed. Like children, simply asking for help becomes a great challenge, and many times that challenge is because immigrants do not realize that support is available and merely requires asking for help. Hence, the responsibility is all on you, not everyone else; this means the consequences for asking or not asking are also all on you; this is freedom.

The principles of unity are found in a common language and based upon the “Rule of Law.” America is the only country on earth where you can keep your tongue, and the national language, American English, can be a second or non-primary language. Yet, the choice to learn American English has consequences, and those consequences come with a cost. Learning American English is hard, requires work, and will not make sense until time and experience are added to learning. Not learning American English is harder and restricts freedoms: the ability to enjoy all America has to offer and forces you to forever remain outside America’s embrace.

Like language, the “Rule of Law” has consequences that allow more freedom or constricts freedom, all based upon your individual choices and how you evaluate the consequences. For example, break the law in coming to America, and you are not welcome even though many politicians will say differently to abuse and use you. Come to America legally, and you are expected to assimilate to become a citizen. Come here temporarily, as, on a visa, we will expect you to adhere to the “Rule of Law” and eventually return to your original country. Fail to return to your original homeland, and you are here illegally, which has consequences.

The principles of unity include understanding, learning, and choosing to plot your own path. No one is going to run your life for you. Choosing to run your own life requires learning, understanding value, and shouldering the consequences of good or ill choices. In America, you can choose to be homeless, and this is perfectly acceptable. You can choose to chase money; acquiring great riches is possible and completely acceptable in America. Acquire those funds legally, and America rewards them greatly. Acquire those funds illegally, and eventually, American Justice will prevail, and those funds will be lost in a very public trial. Again, we see unity combined with choices, leading to coming together under the same standard and enjoying positive consequences or refusing to come together under the standard and enjoying negative consequences.

The principles of responsibility go hand in hand with the principles of unity—many of the principles of unity overlap with responsibility principles. For example, fail to rally under the US Constitution’s standard, break the law, and watch how quickly the consequence leads to being forced to shoulder the responsibility to yield to unify affects you personally with the full weight and scorn of the American people. Do illegal actions, and you may sometimes not get caught and punished. Eventually, all of society will know how deplorable you are, and justice gets served in myriad different ways.

Consider dishonest politicians. Sometimes they do not get caught and exposed to the harsh reality of the American justice system. Still, they lose all the respect of voters, lose their title, and remain outcasts and pariahs in American society through the media retelling their stories, through a loss of income, and American society continually chastising them for their misdeeds. American culture can be very harsh for those choosing not to assimilate because the refusal to assimilate means a refusal to unify under a single standard, which requires everyone to do their part to make America better.

Making America better is not a job that can be neglected, evaded, shirked, forgotten, ignored, or refused. America is all about working together. Work requires sacrifice, learning, and correctly using freedoms to achieve more freedoms. Working together requires a common language; the common language signifies a common bond amongst those striving to achieve freedoms as a symbol of desiring more freedoms. Please, take the best you have, add it to the best America offers, and assimilate into America. Unify with us in a beautiful patchwork quilt of diversity and togetherness.

Diversity should never be sacrificed for unity, and unity must never be sacrificed for diversity and individuality. It takes both diversity and unity to make America. It requires sacrifice and responsibility to make America. It requires a willing mind and open heart to achieve freedom and understand that more freedom is possible with assimilation than without assimilation. The choice is yours, and the consequences are yours, choose carefully.

Society Needs the Family – Knowing the Paradigms That Shape American Society

A colleague said I should read a book, “The School of Darkness,” by Bella V. Dodd. As an immigrant in the early 1900s, the book is discussing coming to America, losing one’s belief structure with its tenets, traditions, and ties that bind, and discovering the emptiness of society, which tried desperately to replace the family and religion. The author only discovers this emptiness and the need for family and religion after a lifetime of fighting against the influence.

The ideal family, found in many cultures, religions, and communities across the world is of one father, loving one mother, and raising children in what is called a nuclear family. Early in the 1900s, the families with close ties as a family, who kept the traditions of religion, found in America plentiful opportunities and made strong the American Society. Those nuclear families without strong ties to a belief structure weakened American Society, but not in ways or methods cognizant at the time, and only understood through historical observation and dissection. Nuclear Family

Consider, for a moment, James Hardy’s writings (2015) on divorce in America; in the Colony of Massachusetts Bay, there was created a judicial tribunal that solely settled divorce matters in 1629. “This legislative body could grant divorces based on adultery, desertion, bigamy and in many cases impotence. In the North, the colonies adopted their own approaches that made divorce available, whereas the southern colonies did all they could to prevent the act even if they did have legislation in place.” Notice the distinction between North and South that was apparent in pre-Revolutionary and Civil War society supporting both conclusions needed for a strong community, family, and a common religious belief structure.

Fast forward to 2020, and the current divorce rate is 2.9:1000 reporting from 45 states and the District of Columbia. With the medium marriage lasting 11 years and falling, and around 30% of marriages suffering disruptions leading to divorce. The future of the nuclear family in America remains grim, unless fundamental changes in, and desires of, people change; America is soon to disappear. The American Civil War taught this lesson well, the need for strong families, based upon a core belief structure that lifts the human mind from pettiness, selfishness, and authoritarianism, remains the two keys an individual will control to keep the American Republic safe from enemies foreign and domestic.

Role of Religion Which religions lift the soul, I do not speculate; however, I can tell how you can tell. The answer is the same from generation to generation, first know yourself. Second, research the religion’s works. Finally, seek religions that bring light to the world sickened mind. I have known great and good people in all the different sects of religion in this world. The key I have found comes in living the religion, not just professing that religion. As one lives that religion the tenets of that religion will either inspire, uplift, edify, and grow the spirit and the soul, or it is time to find a new religious structure. Regardless, before the traditions of religion, the traditions of the family must be understood and cemented together.

Religion Quote The Jewish religious tenets are deeply respected by this author for the blend of family and religion that is born from the belief structure. Some Catholic tenets speak to the same family and religious mixture, several Christian religions also speak to this mixture of home-based family-centered religion. The Muslim faith tends to support a community based around the mosque, and not as much on the individual family. The religious foundations and actions of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints are very like the Jewish religious beliefs, the Amish, Quakers, Dutch Calvinists, and more who also carry a strong family first, religion second, approach to building strong communities through strong religious traditions, by first focusing upon the family and home-based religious practices, building into strong religious communities, and then to strong and morally upright citizens. Yet, I have witnessed the same in Atheist communities, where the beliefs of non-belief led to strong families asking questions, seeking truth and developing the person through strong familial bonds.

Building a child, with strong familial bonds, which will then build a community, a state, and a country, is the work of two parents in a nuclear family. But what supports the parents in the difficult job of rearing children, the local community and the extended family are helpful and needful, but most important traditions of belief. Dodd in, her book, reflects this lesson as she taught freshmen in college, generally from tearing the student from improperly rooted belief structures and transplanting them into the heady and hedonistic thoughts of social families replacing nuclear families, shucking religious traditions in the process.

Religion Quote 2 Why is Communism doomed; because it attempts to replace the family with the government. Why is Socialism doomed; it expands the power of government until the government becomes Communist and tries to replace the family with the government. Why has Capitalism been such a breath of fresh air to the world through the American Republic; because it leaves the family alone from the fingers of government intrusion. Government intrusion, which chokes the agency of man for the mind control of the government. Fascism was doomed to failure, for it worked hard to replace the family with social groups, social families, and corroded the human spirit until nothing but violence and rage remained. Does this sound familiar; it should, for this is the same path being used in education in 2020, learned in the early 1900s, and dedicated to the eradication of America through slow corrosion.

Religious Thought As an older child in a large family, with a large extended family, I once asked, “Why do we gather as an extended family with all the expense, the work, the travel, the hard feelings, etc.?” The answer never made sense to me then, and makes less sense now; yet, there is a truth in the answer that is more felt than understood, “We do it for family.” In the movie “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye sings about “Tradition” and how familial and religious tradition extends into confidence and strength for the individual to understand who they are in society, and by extension in a country.

From the nuclear family comes confidence in knowing one’s self. Does this mean that non-nuclear families are inferior; no! It simply means there is a larger role for extended families and the community to render assistance. Yet, the extended family and community cannot replace or render invalid the responsibilities of the parents.

Consider two families. Family A loses their father as the oldest is just entering high school, the youngest daughter is just barely 18-months. The mother is left to raise the family having married her high school sweetheart. Family B is a product of divorce, the mother has custody of the children, and she and her new boyfriend work two jobs apiece, leaving the children to fend for themselves except when the grandparents can “take the kids.” Family A the children continue to heal from their father’s abrupt passing and are strong in family and faith. Family B the children have no roots, and they struggle with the religion of the parents and grandparents. They struggle because their mother has no religious connections due to both employment and lifestyle choices. The children are good kids, but they are confused, and the person who could settle their confusion, has abdicated the responsibility, and the grandparents can only do so much as partial parent replacements. While the extended families and communities surrounding both families help and support as they can, the lack of parental responsibility and awareness of the mother in Family B, and the awareness and devotion in Family A, makes all the difference between these two families.

Religions Having traveled across America for the last 25years, and ¾’s of the way around the world, I have a few observations that can strengthen the family. I share the following as a warning, for if the family is not supported, the actions seen by the domestic terrorists in recent days, as evidenced by the riotings and lootings will only grow until America is lost forever.

How much is enough? America is a capitalist and materialistic country; yet, for all that, there remains much good in America worth preserving. Answering this simple question determines where standards, limits, and lines are drawn. For example, how much sports watching is enough? How much money is enough?
We sacrifice for that which we love. It is a simple axiom, but the truth in a simple sentence. Do we sacrifice that which is good for the better? Do we sacrifice that which is better for the more desirable right now? Do we sacrifice the best in us to fill an appetite? Consider Family B, the mother chooses to never marry again and remains quite vocal about her decision; but, what is the cost for the sacrifice and the consequences of the decision? Of her children, the first two are girls, who are confused. Her young son struggles between the men of her mother’s life setting an example, and what he sees of his grandfather’s life and social circle.
Social societies cannot replace the family. Social prominence cannot, and never will, fill the emptiness at the end of life. My wife played for the funeral of a man who was politically well known, so much in fact, that the governor of AZ came to the man’s funeral, as well as many in the AZ State Legislature. A couple of mayors of Phoenix were in attendance, some people with ambitions for federally elected posts were in attendance, and more. Yet, I wonder today, 5years after his passing, if these same people remember the man. My wife is still in touch with his wife, but I cannot help but wonder regarding this man’s children and grandchildren.
Allow religious belief systems to change you personally, and your family collectively, through living a religious and moral centered life. President Adams, in discussing the US Constitution stated, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” Look from the 1900s to 2020 and one inescapable fact emerges, the loss of the nuclear family has led to a degeneration of social values, morals, ethics, and people. While the law has attempted to curb this dilemma, President Adams’ quote becomes ever more applicable. America was founded upon a Judeo-Christian foundation of philosophies and the loss of religion is tearing America apart at its foundational core.

Martin Luther King in discussing individuals and society, morals, and religion, stated the following, “… you have got to change the heart and you cannot change the heart through legislation. You cannot legislate morals. The job must be done through education and religion.” While the rest of the quote goes onto try and validate the opposite, Rev. King has a point, the law can only go so far in dictating behavior, legislating morals, and decreeing standards. Without a moral and religious society, America has nothing, is nothing, and falls a failed experiment in improving the human condition.

moral-values America needs strong families, which possess a core of religious traditions, practiced in the home, and acted upon in society. The days of allowing truancy due to race, the communist teachings in schools and the lies that society can replace the family must be fought and won by families informed. America can survive the current attacks but needs every citizen fighting for the survival of this set of ideals embodied in the US Constitution. We need morality and religion to return as the core that motivates people to action for America to survive. It is possible to win against the forces arrayed against America domestically and foreign, but we need nuclear families, and those families need a religious core; there is no other way.

The author holds no claims for the art used herein, the pictures were obtained in the public domain, and the intellectual property belongs to those who created the pictures.

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