The Power Found in Restraint – Appetite Control is Freedom!

Exclamation MarkThere is a principle in life, “If you are not whole without something, you will never be whole with it.”  Modern psychology will not teach restraint to gain freedom.  It will often try to encourage a person to continue to do self-harm through their lifestyle while at the same time trying to find inner peace through the same lifestyle causing inner turmoil.  Yet, natural law and common sense declare if what you are currently doing is causing you distress, stop what you are presently doing first.

Several times in my life, I have had the pleasure of working with people who have been in this crisis.  All of these people are good people; I make no judgments about their lifestyle choices, moral codes, or desires.  Simply making observations as compared to the principle under discussion.Bait & Switch 2

Person 1, male, arrives onboard the USS Barry, an American Aegis Destroyer about the same time as I.  Works as a cook.  A hard-working person expresses his innermost desire is to obtain a tattoo. It has always been his dream to have a single tattoo.  He thinks it will make him tough.  Upon return to America, he gets a tattoo, then another, and then several more.  He gets off on the pain, but with every tattoo, his soul becomes more and more distressed and anguished, and he begins to hate his appearance simultaneously and desires more tattoos.  Because he was never a complete person mentally, he will never be complete with a tattoo without a tattoo.  He does not understand why something which gives him pleasure through pain is also causing him more mental and spiritual anguish.combatindex.com: DDG 52 : USS BARRY

Person 2, female, sailor from the USS Barry, born and raised in a Christian home, always harbored doubts about religion but never voiced them.  She always considered religion to be a restraint on freedom.  She joins the US Navy, cuts ties to the religion of her youth, and claims she has never been freer.  Her promiscuity is the stories of legends told in the engine rooms and back passageways of the ship.  Her friends on board are scared she will crash and burn on some port visit and find a dead body where their friend used to be.  This sailor thought sex would be the ultimate expression of freedom.  Instead, it became the chains of her demise mentally, physically, and spiritually.  When  I met her, very little remained of the modest and good person she had been as she was growing up; by the time I left the ship, she was unrecognizable.

Two very good people, quick to help, hard-working, people of different backgrounds, but essentially the same.  They discovered the same truth through two very different means, and the truth had nearly broken them when I left the ship.  I grieve for my colleagues and their friends.  By not knowing who they were and understanding their potential, the added freedoms and responsibilities of becoming adults were not the freedoms they expected but chains by which they bound themselves to paths of pain and destruction.

The Paradox

Carl R. Rogers Quote: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can ...A paradox is anything that initially appears to be two opposing forces, but when studied, they are not opposites but are closer related than opposites.  For example, one of the principles in understanding oneself and enjoying freedom is accepting restraints.  Case in point, using person 2, had she exercised the modesty discussed in the religion of her youth, she would have found that sexual relations are improved with restraint, not ruined with discretion.  Lies spread in society since the 1960s have claimed that sex is free, has no consequences, and can be engaged in without concern.  All of these are absurd lies leading to the destruction of everyone who listens and becomes engrossed in the lifestyle of free sex.  Hence, sexual restraint is a paradox; practicing restraint in sexual relations improves sexual relations, not hinders them, a contradiction, and freedom is found in restraint.

Person 3 has been observed the longest and is a family member, one of my younger brothers, to be precise.  He has lived his life in a manner that has seen him restrained by external forces because he refuses internal restraint—losing good companions as wives, relationships with children, friends, and colleagues along the way.  All of which has been difficult to witness, but the real tragedy has been the hero-worship heaped upon my younger brother by other more youthful siblings, leading them into dangerous and difficult paths.  Hence, you could call Person 3 an amalgamate of four of my younger siblings, all of whom have chosen paths of appetite fulfillment instead of appetite suppressant.Remember

By choosing to engage in appetite fulfillment, each of them has chased his one preferred appetite, to the exclusion of other all else, usually to the detriment of spousal relationships, children relationships, familial bonds, and responsibilities to society and themselves.  Worse, the shell of these people forms a prickly wall around genuinely good people, who, if they would choose to learn, could be taught appetite suppression.

Training is Contingent Upon Choosing to Learn

One of the most difficult lessons I have learned is that those who choose to learn will, and those who choose to refuse to learn will as well.  Nothing a teacher can do will change a student’s mind once it is made to refuse to learn.  Unfortunately, this means that the teacher will witness a lot of struggles in the student, watch the student experience consequences, and be harmed physically and mentally from the choices made to refuse to learn.

Andragogy - LEARNBelieve it or not, appetite control is a choice and begins with a desire to learn.  The paradox in training is that when the desire to learn is stronger than the appetite to remain ignorant, the learner will produce the effort to change through learning.  This is why appetite control is such a critical and fundamental topic for understanding.  Desire is appetite, an appetite is a tool for good or ill, and bridling an appetite is every person’s job if they choose self-mastery as a means of self-regulation and self-improvement.  When we choose self-mastery, we choose to become free!

Freedom is a paradox of bridled appetites to the greater realization that through suppressed appetite and controlled desires, a person can enjoy more, not less.  Can learn and experience more, have more, become more, and realize more potential.  Long have I been fascinated with racehorses, and the story of Black Beauty is one of my all-time favorites.

How Black Beauty Gave Animals a Voice - ilovehorses.netHow are the best racehorses made?  Sure, breeding helps.  But, training is as, if not more, crucial.  A good animal does not become a great animal until they are placed into the hands of a good trainer who puts restraints upon the animal.  A bridle, a harness, a saddle, wrap their legs to protect against ligament strain, shoes on their feet, and much more.  Then over time, the animal learns that the restraints, which at first were chafing and fought against, become the tools by which the horse achieves greatness.  The same is true for humans, every human, and those who, throw the restraints, never achieve freedom, never achieve excellence, and refuse their potential for momentary happiness, all because of appetite.

Living in a representative government, the citizenry needs to understand this lesson and monitor those elected for people who refuse restraint.  Those who refuse restraint will gather everyone who chooses to take a lazy route to their side, and in doing so, will ruin the representative government and destroy liberty for all.  The debt so many representative governments face right now, which has reached critical mass stages, is due to unbridled appetite and appetite fulfillment for the masses when the government needed appetite restraint instead.  The world’s problems in Afghanistan where rampant appetite fulfillment for the masses when appetite restraint was required.  Terrorism is nothing but an unbridled appetite mixed with modern weapons and a desire to watch the world burn, more unbridled appetites.

Knowledge Check!Do we understand that only through restraining our appetites can we personally enjoy freedom?  Do we teach appetite restraint to our children, knowing that when they control themselves, they can enjoy freedom, and help them to understand why appetite restraint is a good thing?  Do we exemplify appetite restraint in society in speech, clothes, manners and encourage others to do similarly?  If not, why?

© 2021 M. Dave Salisbury
All Rights Reserved
The images used herein were obtained in the public domain; this author holds no copyright to the images displayed.

NO MORE BS: School Thy Feelings

Calvin & Hobbes - Irony HurtsI know what you’re thinking, not another article on controlling emotions and feelings – well, yes.  However, I wanted to approach this subject from a different tack.  I discuss this topic so often because of the dearth witnessed in choosing proper emotional responses or not choosing an emotional response to the improvement of the environmental conditions in a situation.  Across the globe, we find daily, even hourly, instances where emotional diatribes are ruling common sense, destroying logic, and creating hordes of emotionally charged people hell-bent on destroying.  If I can help just one person understand this cycle of emotional abuse and then choose to correct their behavior, even if that person is only me, I consider these articles successful

Emtional Investment CycleToday’s title comes from Charles W. Penrose (n.d.), who penned the following poem, which has been set to music; the poem is based upon Proverbs 16:32, “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one whose temper is controlled than one who captures a city.”

School Thy Feelings

School thy feelings, O my brother,
Train thy warm, impulsive soul,
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
School thy feelings, there is power
In the cool, collected mind;
Passion shatters reason’s tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind.

School thy feelings; condemnation_
Never pass on friend or foe,
Tho’ the tide of accusation
Like a flood of truth may flow
Hear defense before deciding,
And a ray of light may gleam,
Showing thee what filth is hiding
Underneath the shallow stream.

Should affliction’s acrid vial
Burst o’er thy unsheltered head,
School thy feelings to the trial,
Half its bitterness hath fled
Art thou falsely, basely slandered?
Does the world begin to frown?
Gauge thy wrath by wisdom’s standard;
Keep thy rising anger down.

Rest thyself on this assurance:
Time’s a friend to innocense,
And the patient, calm endurance
Wins respect and aids defense.
Noblest minds have finest feelings,
Quiv’ring strings a breath can move,
And the Gospel’s sweet revealings,
Tune them with the key of love.

Hearts so sensitively molded,
Strongly fortified should be,
Train’d to firmness and enfolded
In a calm tranquility.
Wound not willfully another;
Conquer haste with reason’s might;
School thy feelings, sister, brother,
Train them in the path of right.

Knowledge Check!Consider with me these words for a moment.  Controlling emotion is hard, I understand completely.  However, how often do we try to control emotion?  I have been driving, stuck in restricted traffic, and becoming a raving lunatic through choice because of how someone else drove.  My feelings caused them no harm but embarrassed me.  I witnessed road rage, where a 30-car pileup at 45 mph was narrowly avoided.  These two gentlemen would speed up, get around the other, then brake check, hindering and hampering the smooth flow of traffic due to selfish emotional choices.

Besides traffic, where else do we frequently witness unchecked emotional interactions?  Politics, the news, sports arenas, the supermarket, but worst of all is social media, and especially in the emotional controls social media companies exert upon those wishing to use the service.  Consider LinkedIn, they have policies in place to police thought, and curb conversation between professionals, solely because another person complained.  Facebook banned President Trump, using false pretenses and sophistry when the reality is that the media giant always wanted to exert control and thwart free and open communication.Foghorn Leghorn - Medication

Speaking of President Trump, what about the behaviors excused under the banner, “Trump Derangement Syndrome?”  The behaviors of these adults, acting worse than a spoiled toddler, was beyond deplorable, detestable, and needed public shaming.  Instead, their behavior got excused, tolerated, and America is worse for having emotional behavior justified in this manner.

Semper GumbyAs a kid, if my parents did not like another child’s behavior, I was refused the opportunity to play with that child for fear the child’s emotional behaviors would rub off on me, and I would begin to act like a nincompoop!  Yet, as an adult, I can witness rampant emotionally charged conduct, and I have to tolerate nonsense due to helicopter parents, political choices, and the media; I think not!  I firmly support Robert Solomon’s claim that emotions are a choice, a judgment, and a social construct.  In supporting this line of reasoning, I affirm I am not perfect in choosing better emotions, choosing the proper emotion, or even judging social situations properly to emote at all.  However, now that I have been made aware, I am actively striving to emote less and know the why behind my emotions to empower better decision-making down the road.

There is a piece of golden advice given to commanders in the military, choose when to become angry as a method of commanding performance improvement.  I had a commander who understood this principle well and many an officer who had no clue.  I met non-commissioned officers who understood this principle well and others who had been promoted above their level of incompetence, who chose not to understand the value of controlling emotional outbursts.  I have worked with managers across America in a myriad of positions who could learn this lesson, and I have met some amazing people who know this lesson all too well and apply it perfectly.Plato 2

Consider well the words from Charles Penrose, and believe you can choose to emote or not to emote, when to emote, where, and how to emote, as tools for improving communication, performance in yourself and others, and in making better decisions.  Runaway emotions hinder, not help, performance.  Emotional hyperbole thwarts and hurts everyone, everything, and everywhere it is found.  How embarrassing to you is it when you witness emotional meltdowns?  Be it a toddler, teenager, or adult; the sight is truly embarrassing when emotions run away.

Image - Eagle & FlagThus, on this Memorial Weekend, let us firmly recommit to living life with more controlled emotions where we are choosing our emotional states more precisely.  Selecting our emotions more carefully and allowing the emotions of others to have less hold upon our minds and bodies.  As I continue to make strides in not allowing myself to be hooked into other people’s emotions, I do not lose anything, and the control gained improves how I feel mentally and physically.

© 2021 M. Dave Salisbury
All Rights Reserved
The images used herein were obtained in the public domain; this author holds no copyright to the images displayed.