That Little Dash There In-Between

Bobblehead DollGarth Brooks sings a song called “Pushing up Daisies,” and a lyric is the title of today’s article.  On a headstone, there are two dates; we all know what those dates mean, but it is the dash I am focused upon today, and it is the dash that always captures my attention when I visit a cemetery.  Sure, knowing the birth and death dates are interesting, but I always want to talk to the headstone owner about the dash!

One of my biggest regrets is not knowing my grandparents as an adult.  My maternal grandfather fought in WWII, serving on a battlewagon in the Pacific Fleet.  He was a journal writer and chronicled his journeys.  I do not have access to his writings, and this hurts!  My maternal grandfather was hard-working; he left a legacy of small business ownership, franchise development, and self-sufficiency.  He could polish any metal until it was baby smooth and brilliant!

My maternal grandmother is why I respect strong women in story and encourage women to be the main characters in their lives.  A fighter with a Victorian heart of gold, my maternal grandmother was priceless and is well missed!  Plus, she had the best recipes for bread and cookies, pies, and cakes.  Of all the things I wish I had been able to copy and glean, her recipes for oatmeal butterscotch cookies and spiced canned pears top the list!Individual Headstone Designs | Pacific Coast Memorials

My paternal grandfather was a journeyman electrician; he was a wizard with tools and his hands.  He collected rocks, built a home for his wife and family that still stands and holds family.  He had a forge, a woodworking shop, and a couple of guns passed down to my father that won’t pass down any further.  Beyond a suspicion that he served in WWI, not much is known about my paternal grandfather beyond these few scraps.

Memorial Day WallpapersMy paternal grandmother raised two kids after her husband suffered a stroke; she was a nurse and served in this capacity long after she should have retired because she loved her patients and her family.  She had strength and a down-home kindness that I will never forget.  My paternal grandmother is the only reason I walked at High School graduation; I wanted her to enjoy seeing the graduation of one of the grand-kids.

I have uncles and aunts I respect and admire.  I have a couple of uncles I wish I could wallop with a stick and provide some corrective behavior to as well.  I have family scattered across the United States, Canada, Mexico, and the US Military as far as they can spread.  But I know as little about them as they know about me, and that dash in-between is essentially a mystery.  Oh, how cool it would be to sit down and tell our “dash” stories.Tombstone, Arizona

My mother-in-law was an incredible fighter!  A bare-knuckle, two-fisted, swinging for the moon kind of gal from the day she was born to the day she died.  I felt privileged to get to know her and some of her story, and let me tell you; her “little dash” was full of living, adventure, danger, intrigue, and daring!  That woman had steel in her spine, brass in her veins, and took no bull from anyone.  What a lady!

My wife’s uncle fought in every battle across the Pacific as a Navy Seabee.  He arrived at Pearl Harbor on 08 December 1941 and walked across every island battle to the last bombs dropping on Japan.  He built runways, roads, houses, harbor facilities and faced every single engagement.  I know practically nothing about the “little dash there in-between” for him.  I know his wife was a sweetheart, but I know even less about her story and their collective story.  Sad days when they departed this mortal coil, for I wished like mad, I could have learned more about their dash!

Yet, for all I know about these people, I know very little about that dash.  I know more about President Abraham Lincoln and his dash in-between than I do about my grandparents, and this is frustrating.  Worse, I know more about Garth Brooks, a stranger, than I do about my own parent’s dash in-between, and this is not frustrating, given the makeup of my family.  Consider with me people you respect; what do you know of their “little dash there in-between.”Photos of the Korean War Veterans Memorial

My wife is a Victorian lady of the highest caliber.  Today is her birthday.  She has an incredible dash in-between, and I have had the privilege of walking beside her for the better part of 30+ years.  Yet, I would be a fool to claim I know her entire “dash in-between.”  I could not even claim to know a tenth of the 30+ years we have been together.  Do you know what is maddening?  She thinks her writing, journals, and so forth are not very interesting, and nobody will want to read them.  This observation has led me to learn a couple of pieces of wisdom that I pass along for your consideration.

      1. Always be willing to learn – Whether it is learning more about people, places, things, countries, topics, languages, etc., does not matter—the journey of learning matters. Engage and travel!
      2. When you want to really get to know a person, go to work on a task with them – I sweated alongside some Amish in Ohio on a roofing project at the State Fair Grounds. First, I froze alongside them through January and February, and then we sweat through March, April, May, and June.  It never ceases to amaze me what I could learn while we worked.
      3. Know your own dash in-between – Journal, blog, do something to record your dash in-between. Review your own story often.  You might surprise yourself at what you have accomplished.
      4. Be the influence that is felt – There is a line in Garth Brooks’ song, “My mother died, but somehow she keeps living, she’ll never cease to amaze me.” I have met people who are still influencing me long after we have lost touch.  Be that person, be the influence felt across miles, years, and choose to be the positive force for good.  However, that means to you!
      5. Leave a heritage in that dash in-between – Not just papers, bills, a will, a journal or two, but a heritage. What are you known for?  What characteristic will someone say you embody and live to the absolute fullest?  What single attribute will you pass on to your progeny, friends, and colleagues when the dates are carved in your stone?

Exclamation MarkBefore your stone is carved, your remains are laid to rest, and your final resting place is occupied; make sure to fill that little dash in-between to the brim and to overflow.  Make sure you record your dash.  Pass along your dash; your future will appreciate your efforts!

© 2021 M. Dave Salisbury
All Rights Reserved
The images used herein were obtained in the public domain; this author holds no copyright to the images displayed.

Society Needs the Family – Knowing the Paradigms That Shape American Society

School of DarknessA colleague said I should read a book, “The School of Darkness,” by Bella V. Dodd.  As an immigrant in the early 1900s, the book is discussing coming to America, losing one’s belief structure with its tenets, traditions, and ties that bind, and discovering the emptiness of society, which tried desperately to replace the family and religion.  The author only discovers this emptiness and the need for family and religion after a lifetime of fighting against the influence.

The ideal family, found in many cultures, religions, and communities across the world is of one father, loving one mother, and raising children in what is called a nuclear family.  Early in the 1900s, the families with close ties as a family, who kept the traditions of religion, found in America plentiful opportunities and made strong the American Society.  Those nuclear families without strong ties to a belief structure weakened American Society, but not in ways or methods cognizant at the time, and only understood through historical observation and dissection.Nuclear Family

Consider, for a moment, James Hardy’s writings (2015) on divorce in America; in the Colony of Massachusetts Bay, there was created a judicial tribunal that solely settled divorce matters in 1629. “This legislative body could grant divorces based on adultery, desertion, bigamy and in many cases impotence. In the North, the colonies adopted their own approaches that made divorce available, whereas the southern colonies did all they could to prevent the act even if they did have legislation in place.”  Notice the distinction between North and South that was apparent in pre-Revolutionary and Civil War society supporting both conclusions needed for a strong community, family, and a common religious belief structure.

Fast forward to 2020, and the current divorce rate is 2.9:1000 reporting from 45 states and the District of Columbia.  With the medium marriage lasting 11 years and falling, and around 30% of marriages suffering disruptions leading to divorce.  The future of the nuclear family in America remains grim, unless fundamental changes in, and desires of, people change; America is soon to disappear.  The American Civil War taught this lesson well, the need for strong families, based upon a core belief structure that lifts the human mind from pettiness, selfishness, and authoritarianism, remains the two keys an individual will control to keep the American Republic safe from enemies foreign and domestic.

Role of ReligionWhich religions lift the soul, I do not speculate; however, I can tell how you can tell.  The answer is the same from generation to generation, first know yourself.  Second, research the religion’s works.  Finally, seek religions that bring light to the world sickened mind.  I have known great and good people in all the different sects of religion in this world.  The key I have found comes in living the religion, not just professing that religion.  As one lives that religion the tenets of that religion will either inspire, uplift, edify, and grow the spirit and the soul, or it is time to find a new religious structure.  Regardless, before the traditions of religion, the traditions of the family must be understood and cemented together.

Religion QuoteThe Jewish religious tenets are deeply respected by this author for the blend of family and religion that is born from the belief structure.  Some Catholic tenets speak to the same family and religious mixture, several Christian religions also speak to this mixture of home-based family-centered religion.  The Muslim faith tends to support a community based around the mosque, and not as much on the individual family.  The religious foundations and actions of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints are very like the Jewish religious beliefs, the Amish, Quakers, Dutch Calvinists, and more who also carry a strong family first, religion second, approach to building strong communities through strong religious traditions, by first focusing upon the family and home-based religious practices, building into strong religious communities, and then to strong and morally upright citizens.  Yet, I have witnessed the same in Atheist communities, where the beliefs of non-belief led to strong families asking questions, seeking truth and developing the person through strong familial bonds.

Building a child, with strong familial bonds, which will then build a community, a state, and a country, is the work of two parents in a nuclear family.  But what supports the parents in the difficult job of rearing children, the local community and the extended family are helpful and needful, but most important traditions of belief.  Dodd in, her book, reflects this lesson as she taught freshmen in college, generally from tearing the student from improperly rooted belief structures and transplanting them into the heady and hedonistic thoughts of social families replacing nuclear families, shucking religious traditions in the process.

Religion Quote 2Why is Communism doomed; because it attempts to replace the family with the government.  Why is Socialism doomed; it expands the power of government until the government becomes Communist and tries to replace the family with the government.  Why has Capitalism been such a breath of fresh air to the world through the American Republic; because it leaves the family alone from the fingers of government intrusion.  Government intrusion, which chokes the agency of man for the mind control of the government.  Fascism was doomed to failure, for it worked hard to replace the family with social groups, social families, and corroded the human spirit until nothing but violence and rage remained.  Does this sound familiar; it should, for this is the same path being used in education in 2020, learned in the early 1900s, and dedicated to the eradication of America through slow corrosion.

Religious ThoughtAs an older child in a large family, with a large extended family, I once asked, “Why do we gather as an extended family with all the expense, the work, the travel, the hard feelings, etc.?”  The answer never made sense to me then, and makes less sense now; yet, there is a truth in the answer that is more felt than understood, “We do it for family.”  In the movie “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye sings about “Tradition” and how familial and religious tradition extends into confidence and strength for the individual to understand who they are in society, and by extension in a country.

From the nuclear family comes confidence in knowing one’s self.  Does this mean that non-nuclear families are inferior; no!  It simply means there is a larger role for extended families and the community to render assistance.  Yet, the extended family and community cannot replace or render invalid the responsibilities of the parents.

Consider two families.  Family A loses their father as the oldest is just entering high school, the youngest daughter is just barely 18-months.  The mother is left to raise the family having married her high school sweetheart.  Family B is a product of divorce, the mother has custody of the children, and she and her new boyfriend work two jobs apiece, leaving the children to fend for themselves except when the grandparents can “take the kids.”  Family A the children continue to heal from their father’s abrupt passing and are strong in family and faith.  Family B the children have no roots, and they struggle with the religion of the parents and grandparents.  They struggle because their mother has no religious connections due to both employment and lifestyle choices.  The children are good kids, but they are confused, and the person who could settle their confusion, has abdicated the responsibility, and the grandparents can only do so much as partial parent replacements.  While the extended families and communities surrounding both families help and support as they can, the lack of parental responsibility and awareness of the mother in Family B, and the awareness and devotion in Family A, makes all the difference between these two families.

ReligionsHaving traveled across America for the last 25years, and ¾’s of the way around the world, I have a few observations that can strengthen the family.  I share the following as a warning, for if the family is not supported, the actions seen by the domestic terrorists in recent days, as evidenced by the riotings and lootings will only grow until America is lost forever.

  1. How much is enough? America is a capitalist and materialistic country; yet, for all that, there remains much good in America worth preserving.  Answering this simple question determines where standards, limits, and lines are drawn.  For example, how much sports watching is enough?  How much money is enough?
  2. We sacrifice for that which we love. It is a simple axiom, but the truth in a simple sentence.  Do we sacrifice that which is good for the better?  Do we sacrifice that which is better for the more desirable right now?  Do we sacrifice the best in us to fill an appetite?  Consider Family B, the mother chooses to never marry again and remains quite vocal about her decision; but, what is the cost for the sacrifice and the consequences of the decision?  Of her children, the first two are girls, who are confused.  Her young son struggles between the men of her mother’s life setting an example, and what he sees of his grandfather’s life and social circle.
  3. Social societies cannot replace the family. Social prominence cannot, and never will, fill the emptiness at the end of life.  My wife played for the funeral of a man who was politically well known, so much in fact, that the governor of AZ came to the man’s funeral, as well as many in the AZ State Legislature.  A couple of mayors of Phoenix were in attendance, some people with ambitions for federally elected posts were in attendance, and more.  Yet, I wonder today, 5years after his passing, if these same people remember the man.  My wife is still in touch with his wife, but I cannot help but wonder regarding this man’s children and grandchildren.
  4. Allow religious belief systems to change you personally, and your family collectively, through living a religious and moral centered life. President Adams, in discussing the US Constitution stated, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”  Look from the 1900s to 2020 and one inescapable fact emerges, the loss of the nuclear family has led to a degeneration of social values, morals, ethics, and people.  While the law has attempted to curb this dilemma, President Adams’ quote becomes ever more applicable.  America was founded upon a Judeo-Christian foundation of philosophies and the loss of religion is tearing America apart at its foundational core.

Martin Luther King in discussing individuals and society, morals, and religion, stated the following, “… you have got to change the heart and you cannot change the heart through legislation. You cannot legislate morals. The job must be done through education and religion.”  While the rest of the quote goes onto try and validate the opposite, Rev. King has a point, the law can only go so far in dictating behavior, legislating morals, and decreeing standards.  Without a moral and religious society, America has nothing, is nothing, and falls a failed experiment in improving the human condition.

moral-valuesAmerica needs strong families, which possess a core of religious traditions, practiced in the home, and acted upon in society.  The days of allowing truancy due to race, the communist teachings in schools and the lies that society can replace the family must be fought and won by families informed.  America can survive the current attacks but needs every citizen fighting for the survival of this set of ideals embodied in the US Constitution.  We need morality and religion to return as the core that motivates people to action for America to survive.  It is possible to win against the forces arrayed against America domestically and foreign, but we need nuclear families, and those families need a religious core; there is no other way.

© Copyright 2020 – M. Dave Salisbury

The author holds no claims for the art used herein, the pictures were obtained in the public domain, and the intellectual property belongs to those who created the pictures.

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