As a fourteen-year-old, I was wandering around an office supply store in Belfast, Maine, and came across a bookmark I thought had an interesting statement on it:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
I thought that saying was pretty neat, and it helped me begin a process in my own life of learning how to learn and challenging change. Over time, I began to suspect something out of place in the pattern that quote/prayer was claiming; I do not believe there are things I cannot change! I know that if a person refuses to change, I can do nothing until that person chooses to change. But, I remain convinced that there is nothing man has made that cannot be changed.
As a building contractor, I learned that the same tools I am using to destruct a building are the same tools I will employ to construct a building. An important point where change is concerned, structures can come down, structures can be built, but the human element rests upon their own decision to change or not. However, many times the structures can influence the individual to change.
In the US Army, I noticed something powerful; when living in a Korean War-built Quonset hut, my fellow soldiers and I had moral problems, experienced depression, and struggled. But, when we moved into new barracks, many of these problems ceased almost immediately. Thus cementing a lesson, the environment plays a role in personal feelings and influences desires to change. In the US Navy, this was more poignantly learned. I slept in Crew Berthing Three, the rest of the engineering department slept in Crew Berthing Two, and I hated going in there. Between the smell, the lackadaisical attitude towards maintenance, and the general disorderliness of the compartment always left me feeling depressed. So, even though I slept in the same berthing as Deck Department, which included the Boatswains mates, the berthing spaces were neater, cleaner, and better all around. Environment matters and influences personal desire to change or not to change.
As my injuries have worsened with age, my ability to rebuild engines, build or destruct structures, and operate heavy equipment has been reduced dramatically. But, the lessons taught have remained, there are people I cannot change, but there is nothing that I cannot change. My wife asks me all the time why do I write articles for a blog. My answer is rooted in the Serenity Prayer quoted above; there is nothing I cannot influence to change.
There are people who I have met who will never change. One comes readily to mind, I was homeless on the streets of Auburn, Washington, after leaving the US Army in S. Korea. I had a job but no place to stay. One night while wandering to keep warm, I met a homeless man who refused to change. He was homeless by choice, not because of any drinking or drug problem, not because he was not smart enough to get a job and improve his living conditions, but because he chose to be homeless. He said, “I am who I am, and I refuse to change just to please society.” A very intriguing thought occurred to me then and has repeated often, am I choosing to be homeless, or am I choosing to grow?
I choose to be a lifelong learner; this commitment sprang from this conversation with this homeless man in Auburn, Washington. I committed to several principles knowing that I could more greatly influence my environment as I changed myself.
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- Be Curious
- Focus on Active Looking
- Review and Redraft
- Improve memory and recall
- Change your perception
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Because there is nothing I cannot change, I know the power of small pebbles in a landslide. I know the power of tiny snowflakes in an avalanche. I understand how a small rudder can turn an enormous ship for good or ill. Nothing man has made that man cannot unmake, remake, fix, correct, or influence change. There are people no one will ever influence due to moral agency, individual perception, and the valuation of consequences. But, the environment around that person can be changed, and opportunities provided to encourage a different mindset.
Case in point, an engineering shipmate of mine, was kicked out of Crew Berthing Two for smelly feet, which led to smelly shoes, which upset a lot of people in Crew 2. He was forced to come live in Crew Berthing Three. Why did he have stinky feet, a fungus was growing on his feet, and he had never been taught how to care for his feet. He could wash them 100 times a day, but because he did not know how to care properly for his feet, nothing would change, and his feet would stink. When my shipmate chose to change, we taught him about foot care, he went to medical and got some fungal cream, and he purchased new shoes and socks. Why were his feet not a problem in Crew Three; we had better, and took better care, of the ventilation system than Crew two.
Those engineers in Crew Two could not understand that the environment influences behavior, and the influence of behavior led to negative consequences. The move to Crew Three changed the environment physically and led to an eventual change in mindset for the person. Could Crew Two have had better ventilation; absolutely, if the members living there desired it. Since they individually decided not to have better ventilation, the consequence was a smellier and more nasty berthing space. Environment plays a role in behavior and influences people for good or ill. We can affect the environment, but we cannot force change upon people who refuse to change.
Leading to the final thought, why do we need “wisdom to know the difference?” I can change the environment around me. I can change me. I cannot change other people, but I can change other things and influence the people after changing those things in the environment, causing problems. Let us examine this from the viewpoint of the Department of Veterans Affairs. The administrators (people) are causing moral issues and distress in the employees. Some of the employees like being morally repugnant. Others are ethically obtuse because of job security. Others remain true to themselves and stay in the system to help affect change.
How does a person change a system built by man; start with the environment, which in this situation are the processes, procedures, and methods of conducting work. A leader arrives and begins influencing people through how they perform their work. Then begins the fundamental operations of training to new standards, including ethical, moral, and logical processes and procedures written down. Then, that leader begins holding people, not written processes, accountable for their actions. Shortly every person will be faced with a choice, change or leave. Hence, cleaning and correction become a natural function of the environment, and change is made where many have claimed; change will never happen.
As an industrial and organizational psychologist, I know this is the path forward as I have applied these lessons in my own life. Changing people, like destructing and constructing buildings, does not occur magically. Plans are made, planning is carried out, and fundamental change occurs through the environment. Use the pattern:
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- Be Curious
- Focus on Active Looking
- Review and Redraft
- Improve memory and recall
- Change your perception
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Watch what happens! It is amazing to see and possible to change. Nothing cannot be changed; only people choosing not to change cannot be changed. But people are not the environment, and the environment can influence people!
© 2021 M. Dave Salisbury
All Rights Reserved
The images used herein were obtained in the public domain; this author holds no copyright to the images displayed.
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